Breastfeeding isn’t often easy, but it doesn’t have to be done alone. So many people have had negative experiences breastfeeding. Maybe they faced a medical issue completely out of their control or possibly they didn’t have the help they needed. Regardless, what we can control are the people around us when we choose to breastfeed. The journey isn’t always linear, instead it ebbs and flows—which is why you need support. Building a team to help support your feeding goals is key to having a good breastfeeding experience and breastfeeding for longer. With the right team around you, you can focus on what’s most important.
Before jumping into building a team to support your goals, make sure you’ve done some initial reflection and planning first.
Here are two things to do when you are ready to build a team to support your feeding goals:
- Create your breastfeeding goals
When you’ve made the choice to try breastfeeding, it’s always important that you have a realistic plan in mind for moving forward. Oftentimes, it’s unreasonable expectations or not having expectations that can make the experience frustrating. First, it’s always important to understand why you’re breastfeeding, that will help you frame the experience and keep you motivated when things get difficult. If your heart isn’t in it, you may start to feel resentment or fear around the experience. Next, have a time frame in mind for how long you’d like to breastfeed. Sometimes people may feel pressured to commit for long periods of time. Committing to a year can be daunting, especially for a first timer, but trying to breastfeed for 3 month intervals and re-evaluating after each period, can be more manageable. Once you have a timeframe, educate yourself on what to expect as you get closer to your pregnancy, at the birth, and throughout the postpartum period.
- Break your journey into milestones
Once you have a reason to breastfeed that resonates and a timeframe in mind, start creating milestones for yourself. Breastfeeding milestones should include what to expect at different moments (e.g. immediately post birth, first few weeks, returning to work, etc), what your specific goals are for small periods of time (eg. 2 days postpartum, 1 week postpartum, 3 months out, etc), and what you should be doing during those moments (e.g. buying a pump, scheduling a call with a lactation consultant, adding certain foods to your diet,etc). Having these milestones laid out will make your goals more concrete, realistic, and manageable.
Once you’ve completed that initial planning and reflection, start building the right team to make it all happen!
When building a team, it’s important to assess your situation and be honest about who you think will be a good fit and what type of people you can easily access. Think carefully about your situation. Everyone’s situation is different—and that’s okay. Your job as a parent is to focus on what you can do to build the best team for you.
Ask yourself these questions to help clarify what type of people or groups you may need to help support you:
- Have you breastfed before? If so, what was your experience? If not, what do you still need to learn about?
- Do you plan on pumping? Do you have the equipment needed? Can you get it through insurance or a state/city health initiative?
- Do you work full-time and plan to return to work after a leave?
- Are you partnered?
- Do you have private or public health insurance?
- Do you have family or friends that have experience with breastfeeding or can be supportive?
- Do you have a doula or are interested in postpartum care?
- Does your birthing center or hospital have a breastfeeding program?
Once you have a clear idea about what your unique situation is when it comes to breastfeeding and the types of resources available to you, start deciding who’d you like on your team. Here are examples of people that can be a part of your support team:
- Lactation Consultant: A lactation consultant or counselor is someone who is an expert in breastfeeding or chestfeeding. They are trained to support parents and provide them with objective information. They educate parents and provide remote or in-person support, modeling and demonstrating techniques. They may also hosts workshops or provide video tutorials to support parents. Lactation consultants can be seen during the prenatal or postpartum period. Some hospitals may staff a lactation consultant or counselor to work with parents post-birth in and/or a few months postpartum. If your hospital or birthing center doesn’t provide in-house lactation services, consider seeing if your insurance will cover it or if it’s feasible for you to hire someone.
- Doula: A doula can provide support during the entire perinatal period. Many of them are also certified lactation consultants. Even if they are not, they may still have a wealth of knowledge on feeding best practices. They can provide emotional support and also help you plan out your feeding goals and identify other people who can support your goals.
- Partner: Partners play a significant role in feeding, so it’s very important to be on the same page. Feeding may change the dynamics of a relationship, sometimes leaving a partner feeling at a loss of what they can do to support their child. Therefore, partners need to understand the feeding partners needs, their goals, and feelings. A partner can support by consistently creating a positive space, everyday, filled with encouragement and respect. If you have a partner, make sure you are regularly communicating about your feeding goals and also make sure they understand what they can do to support you.
- Friend: Friends who have breastfeed before can play a significant role in supporting a parent. It’s crucial, however, to find friends who are non-judgmental, empathetic, and patient. Some friends may have strong feelings around feeding and goals, so be mindful of what your boundaries are and what friend you think would actually provide objective support. It’s important to have someone who can be a sounding board and also give practical advice.
- Parent of family member: A grandparent or other family member can also provide significant support, especially if they are helping you care for your child or providing postpartum support in general. Just like with a friend, however, it’s critical to keep in mind any family member who is supporting you, should be non-judgmental and supportive of all your choices. Family members can help you find outside support and get you in touch with medical providers or other breastfeeding groups.
- Medical Provider: Your doctor should be aware of your goals and provide you the medical guidance needed to make sure that you and your baby are healthy. They can be a great resource whenever you have a question or need specific information about a milestone. They can also help connect you with other providers that can provide more specialized support.
- Breastfeeding organization: There are many breastfeeding organizations nationally and locally that can serve as a guide throughout your journey. Reach out to a group that seems to align with the goals you have in mind. Or use an organization’s website to educate yourself or connect with someone who may be able to help.
- Breastfeeding support group: Support groups can be found locally, online, at hospitals, through doulas, or through community based organizations. Find a group that is accessible and easy to attend. Being a part of a support group can provide you with an instant team of people to help you reach your goals.
Once you’ve identified who can be helpful, think about how to talk to them about supporting you. You want to clearly communicate what your intentions are with breastfeeding and why you need support. Especially, when you are asking support of a partner, family member, or friend. Setting expectations with the people closest to us is important because we don’t want them to take anything for granted or be unsure of how to support us. Make it clear what you need and expect from them as part of your team to support your feeding goals. Having family and friends support can be tricky, but it’s also very important to have people you can confide in, vent to, and trust to give advice on your team.
When it comes to medical providers, lactation experts, doulas, or breastfeeding organization be clear about what your needs are as well. Whatever it is that you are concerned with or need clarity on is always okay to express. Withholding information because you don’t want to seem knowledgeable or capable, may end up hurting you in the end, so always keep lines of communication open and be honest. These are professionals and their job is to support you through all the ups and downs of your experience. It’s always important to have people from this space on your team because they can provide you with information and technical support that is invaluable.
Finally, having the help of a feeding support group can be a gamechanger. These groups can provide you with with a safe space to share where you’re at in your journey and also give your the opportunity to help other people through their experience. With a support group you can learn more about how to reach your goals with the tried and true advice of others. The experience can also be less intimidating because everyone is going through something similar and is seeking help.
Remember, you don’t need every single person or group mentioned to have a great team to support your feeding goals. Even the smallest support team can have a huge impact. Just make sure you are intentional about what you want to get out of breastfeeding and who you choose to support you. So go ahead and get started building your support team.